January 5th, 2014 around 3:12am
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Grumpy Bear for a week

Its that time of year again. The time were I am more of a grumpy bear than normal. I even change my FB profile pic to reflect that. That means by birthday is right around the corner. I leave the 20s and enter my 30s. I have no problem with that since I’ve started to act more like an adult for the last year or so. I think I was subconsciously prepping myself for adulthood whatever that is. I know that means being responsible, but it doesn’t mean marriage, kids and a career. As 98% of guys on this planet are not my type and that small 2% that would be well I’m not there type, marriage and kids are not in my adulthood at this time. A career would be nice but as most in this shithole country wont hire someone without a degree means no good job for me, even if I have 5 years of reception skills under my belt it apparently doesnt mean shit since I dont have a degree that says I know how to press a button on a copy machine and can properly greet someone over the telephone.

So until things change which I doubt they will I can expect to be unmarried, childless and having a shit job at least for another five years if not well into my Fifties. So a happy big 30 to me in a few days but I’ll be too much of a grumpy bear to notice, care or exist. As we all know that birthdays are a fake idea.

December 31st, 2013 around 5:59pm
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highly considering deleting this blog and starting a new for just my crafts, sewing and fashion.


November 25th, 2013 around 3:42pm
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Ain’t no party like a time lord party because a time lord party is not bound by normal linear progression of time and spatial dimensions and thus, DON’T STOP

October 15th, 2013 around 5:15am
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Once upon a time…..

As someone who loves fairy tales, I’m a bit harsh when it comes to opinions on when people try to revamp, twist or darken them. I don’t often write my opinions on this subject but normally just express them to my friends. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, anyone? However, I have to say something on this before it goes on.
I love the series Once Upon A Time (OUAT). It is casted with great actors who are have done wonderful things prior to the series. The twists on some  the characters we all love and know are beyond what expected. My fave character is Regina the Evil Queen mainly because the actor portrays the character so well. It is a wonderful series. With that be said I had high hopes for the spin off Once Upon A Time in Wonderland (OUATWL).
How quickly my hopes were dashed with the release of the first episode. I enjoyed the cross over with the original series and the plot in general was good. For most part the characters are good. My big problem with the spin off is the casting of the Red Queen. It appears the actor cast for the character was casted based on  looks only. Of which her look is that of an overly botoxed model from the runway who was put in a red dress and was told to pout as that is the only facial expression allowed while being on botox. There was no emotional expression other then pouting and a hint of boredom with the character throughout the episode. 
The Red Queen as described by Alice is murderous. Which is something the book tells us as well as her being manic. I expected Red to be clever, vain and a bit crazy. Well what we got was a bored looking blonde model without any clear acting talents flicking her wrist and pouting at the camera. I must say that this is a fail in casting a villain.
So why cast a young looking actor that can’t even show emotional expression with tone of voice or with her eyes as one the villains?!  Could it be that casting director liked the actor’s look and thought she would grow into the role, or maybe there was a rush to replace the original actor who opted out or maybe someone slept with someone for the role. I honestly don’t know and you can pick whatever reason you want but to me it clear that they went with the wrong actor and she has some catching up to do on learning to act compared to the rest of the cast who obviously had acting lessons.
With that off my chest I must say that I think I will stick to the original series and will avoid the the spin off. Bad acting of one the main characters can be the downfall of series that could be great.

September 17th, 2013 around 12:23am
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Get off Your CELL PHONE Bitch

Why does meeting people in Seattle area so hard? I mean it is one thing to chat up your elder in line at the local market but when it comes to people my own age it is impossible.

People get off your damn cell phones already. You lived perfectly fine before they were created, I’m sure you will be fine if you turn it off for ten minutes to have a decent face to face conversation. The world will not end if you don’t return a text within two seconds of getting it. Stop driving and trying to text or I’ll will “accidentally” hit you with my car and will claim you hit me since you were looking down you dumb twat. Get a blue tooth headset and stop trying to hold your phone to your head. If I were a cop I would have given out over 20 tickets for illegally using your cell phone while driving. In a short span of a five minute drive to the store yesterday I almost got hit 4 times by you dumb shits that can’t stop touching your phones for two seconds.

I use my phone quite a bit too but mainly when I’m at home. i dont need to be in the know in fact I’m glad I’m not .

August 25th, 2013 around 10:36pm
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No more men

There’s one thing I don’t do is chase after guys. If I show interest in a guy and he shows it back to me its best not to go all flaky on me cuz to me that says you got another girl on the side. Don’t set shit up with me just to cancel the day of. I got rid of all the guys for that reason. Time to just do some crafts and workout. They say women are crazy but men often drive us there.

July 7th, 2013 around 4:06pm
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A month of Js

June was an interesting month of men. There was a “date” with a Jake, a run with a Jordan and some cuddle time with a Joe. June was full of Js. Josh even sent me a msg mid month too. Luke got back in touch and we picked things up again.

I need to start giving code names for all these guys which is only down to three but possibly more like two. As one keeps flaking out and i finally said that he needs to let me know when he is avail cuzing i’m gunna stop trying now. I doubt he will get back to me.

So I have Boeing and CountryBoy of which Boeing is never around since he works for Boeing and they have him on a big project that requires him to fly back and forth between east coast and the west coast. So if i really look at it then its really just one. CountryBoy is nice and we get along fine. He lives close by but since work is what gets in the way, we dont ever see each other but we text all.

I”m very average on looks and being on the chubby curvy side doesnt help much when it comes to guys but the area I live in doesnt help either. Here in the Pacific Northwest guys like stick girls. Why? Cuz they are more athletic. But I guess when one has to be when you live here (were they teach you that you have to like the great outdoors) and most girls have no tits and ass. Sorry not me. I’m not big on sports unless its futbol. Plus I’m a born Cali girl but surprise I dont care for the sun. Summer is not my fave season. Its winter. Anyways while all my friends who were not “blessed” like me, are/were jealous of me I was jealous of them. I knew as I got older that my “blessings” were all that guys would ever see. And yes its very true and no I dont show of my boobs with low cut shirts and wear short skirts. I am a person. I get laughed at and stared at for wearing long sleeves in summer and carrying around a parasol to keep the sun off my face. But all in all it doesnt matter. If I remain single for the rest of my days and just have meaningless sex well then thats just my life as i refuse to chase after guys ever again.

June 7th, 2013 around 8:01pm
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Intrigue of the “oh yeah” kind

I’ve been listening to the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast and this has really opened my mind about being sex positive in my own life. I’ve also started to read a few books by some of her guests. One of which I happen to love is Hot and Fast. I’ve become more comfortable in masturbating for not only my own pleasure but to know my own body more. More sexually open to what I like for sex. As well as not ashamed to buy toys and what not for me and future partners to use.
Since I started to listen I’ve gotten Lelo Luna beads (kegel). I’ve only had them for a month and noticed an improvement in bladder control when I sneeze. Orgasms feel so much better in the little sex I have had. I wear them mainly while at work since I can adjust then if need be. I rock back and forth in my work chair and giggle a bit.
Oh, I should mention that I’m kinda of the guinea pig of me and my friends at work. As well a source of sexual outlet for my friend who can’t have sex since she is in the middle of a divorce and has a kid. She loves to hear about my “dates”.
Anyways I gotten a few things from AdamandEve.com . Doggie strap (for doing doggie style sex) and inclined cushion of which came with few free porns (yes I’ve watched them and I laughed during one of them cuz yeah right like that happens in real life) and free sample lube (yes I use it). If only I could have used the strap and cushion for my “date” last Friday that resulted in me getting a $50 parking ticket from the city of butt fuck Seattle for parking in an area until 5am that I shouldn’t have but I wasn’t trying to get laid. It was suppose to just be a date and that nothing was going to happen.
I’ve been more inclined to be more sexual on first dates and not all prudish. See last paragraph for what I mean.
I’ve also gone and tried using softcups for my period. I must say they do work. I had sex with one in but I was not bleeding at the time so don’t know if there is any spillage on that part. My partner said he couldn’t feel it at all. It does get messy when you change between them but otherwise I had no problems with them. Again guinea pig and had to give feed back to coworkers. They will try it.
So where am I?
I had a date with a nice guy on Tuesday who is sweet and wonderful and wants to take things on the slow side as he doesnt have the self confidence he once had before he got partial hearing loss (yes he has to wear a hearing aid). He is a hottie too. A bit on the skinny side (my life’s story) but he has strong hands. Oh I loved the calf massage he gave me. We both wanna see each other some more. He is more boyfriend material, though I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I do really like him.
Had a crazy blind date last Friday ( see previous for what happened) and I don’t expect him to call, but glad he gave me my id since it dropped out of my pants while at his place. Four hours of sex was good but not the best I’ve had (see a previous post on that).
Let’s see if okcupid brings anymore my way.

May 6th, 2013 around 9:37pm
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A trial in being…

A guy. So after two long term relationship that lasted five years each, and the fact that I’m inching closer to thirty, I’m going to act more like a guy. Meaning no emotional attachments to guys that I am dinking around with.
I’m currently starting a long term fwb with a yummy red headed (damn red heads for haunting me) twenty-fiver year old. I saw him last night and my state of mind was its just sex. No cuddling, no emotions, just sex. Which I must say I find it interesting how most people who do this sort of thing like to to kiss the other person. I have nothing against kissing and really do love it. It’s just that it kinda trips me up because of the whole emotional attachment thing I’m trying to not have. As some of us know a kiss can invoke a number of emotions. Anyways looking forward to having him again as he was great and we are both getting what we want sex.

I’m also talking to another guy via emails . He is nice and sweet and has a cute lil kid. However, in the week that we have been talking, he seems to want a serious relationship. I’m not looking for serious right now, I’m looking for fun. However, I did say I want a distraction and I will have my “distractions” one way or another.

Another thing is that I’ve been listening to The Sex Nerd Sandra podcast and OMG I love it. So many good things I’ve learned and the interviews are great. Sex positive. Love it. So I’m also kinda of also engaging in my sexual self more. Just wish they could do some things up here in Seattle as we have a huge nerd/tech culture up here too. So yeah go Team Fun.

April 22nd, 2013 around 11:42pm
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Infinite Sadness of a Capricorn heart

I recently told me roommate that there was no way of us ever being romantically involved again. I made him cry. He made himself angry by asking questions to which I answered very honestly but vaguely. I made him cry again yesterday. Plainly told him again that after so many tries in the relationship my patience has run thin. I gave him 5 years and after that there was no more I could give him. I hate comforting crying guys. I’m really not actually seeing anyone but rather had a nice hookup that involved some of the best sex I’ve in the last seven years. Thats right I’ve had “meh” sex for the last seven. Going on…l do randomly go on a nice casual dates that leads to no where. Why?

Because I’m a Capricorn. Capricorns have a sense of melancholy and necessity for structure and work cuz inside we feel unworthy and need to continuously prove our worth. Most people think I’m very bitter, which isnt true i’m just deeply sadden in my heart of hearts. I feel I only need to prove my worth to myself. 

We are loners but need to feel appreciated. I know my coworkers and friends appreciate me as they tell me. But when the one you are in a relationship never expresses it, it creates self-doubt and confidence issues. Something that was created in me with the last relationship.

Sure all Capricorns really need to know to love themselves of which I do. I know that deep inside myself that the person i’m in a relationship will never love me the way I tell them I need to be loved in order to be happy in the relationship and yes i’ve tired.

So cause of this I come off aloof in most people’s eyes. In the eyes of men it seems like I dont care much for love when in reality, I’m very romantic but it takes the right kind of person to bring it out. Things can take time with me so be patient, like I always try to be, because in the end like most Capricorn women we offer a real long lasting, loyal  and happy relationship.

But until then I’ll always seem just a little sad and lonely in the eyes of many people and a bit to myself.

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